Three nights ago, I was sitting on the ground after having taken a run to clear my head. At the time, I didn’t know where I was, but I took off my backpack, rested it against a tree, and put my head in my hands. It was the first time that I’d been alone since we’d left Jasper and Peter had, in turn, left me. Being at the club that night with Marek, Malakai, and our new friend Wade had been an excersize in putting up a strong front, and I just couldn’t do it any longer. All the weight and grief that had been building for so long completely came crashing down. I did something I never should have done. I let my guard down.
I didn’t hear them sneaking up behind me. First rule of the south is you do not get caught. I did. Two of them sneaked up from behind me, one of them put his hands on me, and I dropped. It wasn’t like Peter’s power at all. When Peter touches me in order to help me rest, it comes on in slow waves, gradually increasing. This was like having an atom bomb touch me. I was out.
When I opened my eyes, Cassian stood in front of me. Immediately, my guard was up and I scrambled backwards, demanding what it was that he wanted. He didn’t answer for the longest time, instead crouching on the ground in front of me, completely uncharacteristic of the man I rememberd. When he spoke, his voice was soft. Calming. He spoke of the battle he’d faced when he returned to Texas. He talked about his lack of preparation, and how his newborns weren’t properly trained, and how his gifted vampires were completely unprepared for the rigors of war. He told me that he was starting over from scratch and only recruiting the veterans this time; those of us who had served our time in war and knew the violence of battle. He promised that it would be different this time. He promised that I could stand at his side and control half of his troops so he didn’t have to do it all. We would stand out of the storm, ruling the coven as partners. He promised me the world.
We both knew that he was lying through his teeth. Cassian could never share glory, and partnership was a foreign language to an egotist such as him. I could never return to that life; it already haunted my waking nightmares, effecting every aspect of my life. I could never dream of leaving Peter, leaving my life, giving everything up for a warzone. I turned him down flat.
It was in that moment that he turned on me. It was as if a switch had been flipped and he erupted, encapsulating every ounce of the strength and rage I’d remembered. It seemed like he tortured me for months, breaking and twisting, trying to convince me to relent. There were moments when the pain was so overwhelming… I guess he got frustrated when none of his old tricks worked, and he dragged me by my hair up the edge of the mountain. He leaned close and whispered in my ear, telling me that he’d be back when I’d suffered long enough to see things his side of things. After he’d broken nearly every bone in my body, he threw me off the edge of the cliff. At that point, I was so far gone, I didn’t even remember hitting the ground.
I don’t know if Cassian’s come back yet and discovered that I’m not where he left me. He probably assumes that it didn’t matter, I wouldn’t get very far with broken bones. I wonder if he’s tracking me right now, following my scent back to Seattle. I wonder how much time I have before he finds me again. A part of me hopes that he’d give up and move on to another vampire; there are so many to recruit, and in the end I’m a very small fish in that big pond. But the other part of me knows that he doesn’t like hearing no.
All I want to do is run. Malakai is determinded to track him back and fight with him, but we both know that has no chance of ending well. We’re surrounded by friends who have never seen war, and it would take no time at all for him to finish them. Malakai and I would likely survive, if only because Cassian wouldn’t kill two potential recruits.
But I will not watch my friends get destroyed over a battle they had no part in.
